Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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