Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
