Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
