i need an iv and a liver transplant
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
