you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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