Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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