I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
