I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
