I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
