hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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