Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
