Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
