Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
