Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
