a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
