is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
