You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
