I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
