his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
