I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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