I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
