I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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