You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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