How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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