This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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