i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
