i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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