So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
