drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
