"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
