um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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