I just pynch a tree in the face
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize