Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
