Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
