tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
