I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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