he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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