This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
