no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
