; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
