so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
