what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
