so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
