So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize