i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
