Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
