Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
