In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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