the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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