Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
