Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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