Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
