So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
