I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
