No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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