dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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