what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
