Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
