Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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