dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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