my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
