I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
