Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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