i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
