Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
