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he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
