I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
