I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
