Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hippo gnu deer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
