I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
