And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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