Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
