Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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