this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
