How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
