Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
