Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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