So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
