dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
