I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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