I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
