i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
