You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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