the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
