DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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