My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
