I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
