"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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