at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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