Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
