Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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