I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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