i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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