I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
