Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
