Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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