I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
