My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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