You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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