I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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