I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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