Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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