Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
