I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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