he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
