I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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